Subject: FYI
From: Paul W.


   Recently, at work, I opened a stapler up to refill it, and the spring inside broke and it drew blood on the index finger of my right hand.

Luckily, we had Band-Aids.

   In an effort to overcome my fear of future incidents, I have spent some time using your virtual staplers. Thank you for making this outlet available for people like me.

Paul W.

   First of all, I'd like to apologize for what is apparently the behavior of a bad apple in the stapler bin. Please don't judge all staplers on the actions of a single, misguided office supply.

   However, this is an excellent opportunity to encourage regular stapler maintenance. Parts, such as springs, will wear out over time, and this can obviously lead to finger injuries or worse. So please, please take care of your staplers, and be careful when dealing with them. Staplers, virtual or otherwise, are not toys and must be treated with the respect they deserve.

   On another note, it's great to see the VirtualStapler giving back to the community. Emails like this truly warm my heart, and the staplers around here seem to stand up a little straighter, knowing they really are helping people around the world.

   So good luck with your recovery, Paul. It's not an easy road ahead, but once you get back on the horse... er.. stapler, you'll be a better man for it.

   Staplers helping people!

Subject: sigh
From: Jack S.

   It's easy to determine from the sound the staplers make that you recorded the sound of an empty stapler being depressed. Please, lets shoot for realism people!

   Also, it'd be nice if you let us reload the stapler after 100 or 200 punches.

hey there jack...

   apparently, your stapler-ear must be in need of it's annual diagnostic... i assure you that the sounds on were recorded while each stapler was fully functioning... including a full complement of staples! if you need proof, you are free to stop by my house and help me pick staples out of the carpet.

   believe me, i have striven for complete realism on others around here have rolled their eyes at my adherence to authenticity... but i knew that discriminating users like you would be quick to sniff out any deception.

   i DID record the stapler sounds on a fairly resonant surface, however, so this probably adds a bit more 'hollowness' to the overall sound. i intended no deception with this, it was just a matter of recording circumstances.

   reloading the staplers is definitely on my to-do list, as well as some other neat goodies. rest assured, if we do allow users to reload the staplers, that too will be an authentic experience.

   thanks for coming by the site! i'll let you know when more additions are made.

long live staplers!


Subject: Interesting....
From: "Jason C."

   A cool site, but it seems a little lacking without virtual paper.... what good is a stapler with nothing to staple?

hey jason...

   you raise a valid point, even though 'virtualStapler' does not necessarily denote paper is involved. yes, staplers without paper are rather useless... but then again, virtualStaplers are fairly useless too.

   that said, i am working on a way to incorporate paper into the whole show. i'm not sure exactly how to accomplish this, but it's definitely on my mind. any ideas?

thanks for coming by the site...

long live staplers! (oh, and paper too!)


Subject: Enquiry the stapler body

Dear Sirs,

We have learned from your web site that you manufacture a range of stapler head.

We have been manufactures of booklet machines for few years.

We are looking for the stapler body that which can load 200 - 220 pieces of staple like the stapler body in the

Do you have this model of stapler?

We would be appreciated if you can send us samples and quote the lowest price to us for the stapler body which can load 200 - 220 pieces of staple.

Thank you for your kind attention and looking forward to your reply.

Best Regards
Roger Chiu / Business Manager
(Hua Han Ind. Ltd.)

Dear Mr. Chiu

   I am sorry to inform you that here at, we don't actually manufacture or sell staplers. Instead, we focus all our efforts on virtual staplers, which give us considerably less overhead to deal with.

   We really do appreciate the nice picture you sent, however, and have added it to our stapler gallery. If we do run across any leads for 200-capacity stapler bodies, you will be the first to hear about it.

   Again, thank you for your nice letter and interesting stapler picture. Good luck with your quest, and thanks for stopping by

Long live (virtual) staplers!


Subject: Staples?

Dear Sirs,

When working for speed, Is it better to pound REAL hard on the stapler, or to go in short quick bursts? See, i haven't done the math, but i figure, on average, short quick bursts are better, maybe the staple doesn't ALWAYS sink, but the majority of the time it will, right? So, i guess the question is about efficiency.

Also, for binding power, which particular alloy is best? I mean, if i wanted to do some heavy duty stapling, like a duck to the side of rocket, what would be the best to ensure he would stay along for the ride?

all jammed up

hey there jammed...

   In our experience, both the 'REAL hard' staple and the 'short quick bursts' have their place... depending on the make-up and amount of materials being stapled, among other variables. As far as total successful staples, given everything else is held constant... that sounds like an equation for NASA, or perhaps Marilyn Vos Savant (you know, that super-genius chick in Parade magazine).

   If you're really curious, we'd suggest holding a rudimentary experiment to determine which style will result in the most successful staples out of, say, 100 tries. Please let us know the results if you attempt this experiment.

   We CAN tell you that it appears that regardless of style, it tends to help the process if the stapler swing-arm is actually in contact with the papers before the staple is 'struck' through the stack. apparently this helps remove some of the inconsistancy in how the staple actually enters the paper, which results in more successful staples. Overall, the more variables you can hold constant, the better you will do.

   As far as heavy-duty duck/rocket stapling, it pains us to admit that stapling is probably not the best method of attachment. Stapling, for all its many benefits, does by definition create holes in whatever is stapled. We don't need to tell you that holes, no matter how tiny, are not good for rockets, ducks, or deep-space excursions. Instead, you may want to try the old standby, Duct Tape. Not only is this solution hilariously appropriate for this particular application, it will also provide some measure of protection to both duck and rocket.

   On a final note, we at cannot advocate pounding "REAL hard" on a stapler, regardless of the efficiency of the system. Staplers should be cared for and used with responsibility... and rarely have we seen a situation where applying brute force to a stapler results in a positive outcome.

   Good luck with your many ventures... it sounds as if you will need it. and please let us know your results, if any, for whatever stapler-related experiments you may engage in.

Be kind to your staplers!


From: Pamela Lotts

Do you not have anything to do? This is the dumbest thing I have ever seen.

hey Pam

   Oh, we have lots and lots to do over here. In fact, you may be familiar with some of the other work we do on or

   Luckily, our love of stapling commands us to lavish attention on the world of Oh, we know it doesn't amount to much in the grand scheme of things... but then, what does?

   Good luck on your search for un-dumb things, Pam. We'll do our best to stay out of your way over here.

Staplers ain't (that) dumb!


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