SEQUENCE 3: GIRL FIGHT!
Wherein we're introduced to Sandy's stapler, see her in action, then watch the stapler dance around the desk as continuity breaks down. This sequence is foreshadowing for more stapler hijinks later in the film, so stay tuned!
1) Thank You So Much for Everything
Classic woman-on-woman violence foreshadowing. First the words, then the fists!
2) Almost Forgot My Stapler
Oh Sandy... don't call attention to the stapler! That's a rookie mistake.
3) Is That...?
Classic Lumberg lead-up here, as her attention is caught by the all-important stapler. She must have it. I get it.
4) Oh, Nothing...
The standard passive-aggressive shuck and jive, before she pounces on that sweet, sweet stapler goodness.
5) Isn't That the Company's Stapler?
"Technically, I think the stapler belongs to the company." Oh, she springs the Lumberg!
6) Sandy Gives In
Sandy is still in nice-girl mode here, so her first instinct is appeasement. C'mon, Sandy!
7) No, You Keep It
"... it'll be our little secret." Oh, now it's a pity stapler? (I'll still take it. A stapler is a stapler.)
8) Oh, Great. Thank You Very Much.
The claws are coming out as stapler subtext threatens to break wide open!
9) I Have Earned it, After All
18 hours a day, 7 days a week? Dang, girl, you take that stapler. Have some post-its while you're at it.
10) That Makes You a Workaholic
Oh, she did not just use the W word! (Keep in mind this girl has already slept with her boss, making her a different W word.)
11) Oh No She Didn't!
Redhead reaches in and takes the stapler, advancing to Full Lumberg. In some stapler-loving cultures, you lose a hand for that.
12) None of Your Business
Called out for boning ol' Hugh, Redhead retaliates by taking back the stapler. Downright irresponsible use of a stapler if you ask me.
13) Ok, Fine
"How much does a stapler cost?" That Swingline 747 right there, about $12.50.
14) Here's Ten Dollars
Well, it is a used office stapler... $10 is a very fair offer. Redhead should take the money!
15) This is Ridiculous
Sandy snakes back the stapler, and goes for the box hang... while weasel-guy notices something is amiss.
16) It's Not Your Stapler
Dangit... if I want to take the stapler, that's between me and HR. Or possibly procurement. But not you!
17) What is the Matter with You?
"Give me my stapler!" Finally, Sandy stands up and says it like it is, because that stapler deserves to hear the truth.
18) Seriously, Hands Off the Stapler!
Sandy is hitting the end of her rope. I don't blame her... if you want to end up with the stapler, you have to stand up for yourself.
19) You Didn't Pay For It!
But this isn't about the stapler, is it? It's about 2 women in a romantic comedy fighting, because women. We've done this to ourselves.
20) Weasel Guy Senses His Moment
He's been creeping up back there, being creepy. He senses dream fulfillment is near. Is a girl fight in the offing?
21) Really Going At It
Two beautiful women wrestle for control of a stapler. I feel a little dizzy.
22) Creepy Guy's Time to Shine!
Action #1: He points and laughs moronically. Nice work, bro. Nailed it!
23) He Was in a Frat
Action #2: stop anyone from breaking up the burgeoning girl fight. Done and done!
24) All We're Missing is the Mud
Oh Hugh, you pale stammering limey of a movie star. I say!
25) She's Hurting Me!
Seriously, the ONLY thing that justifies this behavior is that it's over a stapler. Which makes perfect sense.
26) Sandy Triumphant
All that matters is the scoreboard... and who ends up with the stapler. Again, staplers justify all means. OBVIOUSLY
27) Sandy Gloating
A taunting face and clicking of the stapler? Sandy, this is why you're America's sweetheart. Let 'em know who's boss!
28) Oh Dear, This Isn't Good
Ok, Sandy, heh heh... it's ok. You've got the stapler, no need to take it too far. No need for threats or...
29) And That's a Death Threat
This is definitely going to HR now, let me tell you. At least she ended up with the stapler.